He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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