im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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