I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
