He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
