soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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