so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
