There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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