Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
