I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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