Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
