I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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