I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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