At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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