I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
