my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
