Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
