The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
