I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
