Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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