woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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