I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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