There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
