"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
