WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
