Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
