Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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