my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I enjoy the company of your penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
