Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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