Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
