Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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