Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
