just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
