Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
