I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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