After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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