I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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