I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
