is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
