HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
