Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
