I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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