There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
