im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
