ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
