He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
