Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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