You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
