I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
