I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
