just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
