return my video game
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
