Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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