y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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