i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
