3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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