is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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