Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
