i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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