Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
