Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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