make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
