I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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