im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
