it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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